Yes, I am a Tornado Chaser

Yes, I am a Tornado Chaser

I’m not sure why, but I’ve been really tired lately. It’s really put a damper on my wit and charm, and as such, I have been strapped for good ideas. Through the fog of sleep this morning, I thought I heard the sweet opening chords of Slint’s “Washer.” “Oh, what a perfect song to sleep to,” I thought. Then it sort of hit me…there are hundreds of records that are perfect for sleeping to. If only there were some sort of list compiling the five best…

My Five Favorite Records to Sleep to
(And the Accompanying Dreams that will Most Likely Result)

1. Slint Spiderland – Not only is this one of my favorite records to sleep to, but it’s also one of my favorite records of all time. In fact, if there is some sort of “Best Of” list, regardless of the criteria, chances are I’ll put this on it. Spiderland is just too damn perfect. The songs are reserved and brooding with half-breathed vocals and music-box like guitars that lull you into a leg-hold trap of delicate abundance before busting your skull with the hammer of guitar noise justice.

The resulting dreams would involve a 10-story clipper ship manned by half-pirate/half-octopus creatures guarding ten thousand gold doubloons with pictures of spaghetti and meatballs on them. Also, you will be wearing a seersucker suit and one of those old-tyme vaudeville hats.

2. Sigur Rós ( ) – Most people will tell you Ágætis Byrjun or Takk capture the best of what Sigur Rós has to offer. But when you consider that Sigur Rós is just as proficient in crafting subtle muted textures as they are epic builds, the subdued melodies of ( ) start to make sense. Plus, the fake words sung like whale chants make for soothing ear blankets.

The resulting dreams all take place in a library where a human-sized cat and Betty White read Where the Wild Things Are to two-dozens cabbages. Then a team of Buicks play kick-ball on the roof.

3. Iron and Wine Our Endless Numbered Days – Sam Beam’s voice sounds like the perfect grandfather mixed with honey-flavored oatmeal and a really comfortable pair of shoes. This album is 45 minutes of sleepy smiles.

The resulting dreams might involve a moustache contest between Jim Croce and John Oates. It doesn’t matter who wins…you are the real winner.

4. Bedhead What Fun Life Was – Bedhead mastered the slow-core thing about ten years before anyone else ever heard of it, and on their debut the soft arrangements and whispered vocals never rise above a stir. It’s pretty much perfect (really) mellow music.

The resulting dreams will be like a slide-show of oil paintings and Polaroids of small dogs. The paintings will most likely involve talking kitchenware (with thought bubbles) and vibrant clothes.

5. Migala Arde – Migala is like Calexico on Nyquil. The mariachi rhythms and jumping beans are slowed down to crawling speed while the nylon string guitars snuggle with E-bows and shoegaze. Abel Hernandez’s vocals rumble along like monsoons that wrap you in a fuzzy sort of heat.

The resulting dreams follow a group of lobster banditos as they travel the American Southwest by burro and eat paella. They know several canyon trails that are now forgotten.